Mars’ Hill is hiring for the next semester! Most of the team is graduating this spring, and though this may be a sad time for many, an opportunity is knocking on the door of potential recruits to take the places of the team members who are being sent out to the wider world, diploma in hand. Applying for these positions, of course, has the important stipulation that the applicant is willing to participate in gladiatorial combat and/or a death game similar to Squid Game, The Hunger Games, Battle Royale, and other popular death game media.

Applicants should display a great passion towards writing and editing, a friendly and collaborative attitude, and proficiency in at least 1 (one) weapon. We here at Mars’ Hill believe that applicants should reflect the values of our student newspaper, committing themselves to telling the stories of the campus that deserve to be told, and also fighting with up to 500 other applicants to the death for the position–of course for the entertainment of the current Mars’ Hill team. Events would include such examples as being dropped onto a desert island with various weapons and bloodthirsty wild animals and left to fend for yourself and participating in various Canadian children’s games, whereupon failure results in execution. Make sure to watch our editor-in-chief giving the thumbs-up or thumbs-down verdict on your imminent demise!

We at Mars’ Hill love seeing new faces and hearing new voices in our team meetings. The campus’ opinion of our recent structural changes truly matters to us, which is why our recent polling results on campus engagement opinions have all been taken into account and are currently being implemented, including results such as ‘cage fights,’ ‘old-fashioned pistol duels,’ ‘flooding the cafeteria and having naval battles,’ and ‘more chocolate at the booths.’

These are truly exciting times. We cannot wait to connect with you! Positions include: staff writers, section editors, and disposal crew.