Xenpai is an illustrator and actor who aspires to make it onto the big screen. Through his resilience he has gained confidence that has anchored him in navigating the opinions others have over his work. With self-expression at the centre of all he does, Xenpai shares the importance of being honest in the journey of self-discovery.

MH: Could you introduce yourself and what artform you do?

X: Hi, my name is Xenpai and I study game development in the art stream. I draw a lot; I love just drawing. It’s something that I always did as a kid when I got frustrated. I want to get into acting or be an actor because it’s something that I really want to pursue, and I feel like it’s my calling. 

MH: What subject matter do you like to explore in your drawings?

X: When I am drawing, I am just having fun studying something. I draw a lot of fish, and it comes from the quote, “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” and it stems from a lot of the things I had to grow and understand to appreciate myself. 

MH: How did you come up with the stage name: Xenpai?

Others called me Senpai (mentor in Japanese) because I watched a lot of anime and they thought “man, this guy knows way too much, he’s just kind of freaky, but he’s still kind of cool though,” so I took that and then I just added an “X” instead of an “S” because it sounds the same and looks cooler. I didn’t really put too much thought into it. 

MH: Who inspires you? 

X: Tyler, The Creator is one of my biggest inspirations in being confident despite people not really liking your stuff. Just going with it– if I think it’s cool that’s enough. MF Doom helped me understand the concept of developing a character and making it your own. In one of his interviews, he said, “Follow your heart– that’s the number one rule. A lot of people might not see your vision yet, people might call you crazy or think it won’t make sense…don’t do it to impress others, it’s really about what you have inside.”

MH: Where would you say your confidence comes from? 

X: When I was a kid, my teacher told my mom that I was never gonna be able to draw like the other kids. I didn’t care at all, and I just kept drawing. Despite not being perfect in the things that I do, I think it’s more of a journey of my own art than having to fulfill an expectation of a basic concept of what people think art is. 

MH: What advice would you give someone to grow in their confidence?

X: Take it one day at a time and make as many mistakes as you can. You just have to grow tough skin and know that the world of art is generally very harsh. I’ll always think about how I can improve in some way instead of taking empty compliments. It feels like they’re lying to my face about it. I also don’t want to be butchered until I’m sad; there’s a balance. 

MH: Honesty seems to be very important to you. How do you apply that to your art?

X: I try to be very careful by being objective. I want people to be better and to see different versions of themselves. Honesty is something I am still working on. That’s kind of my struggle in life. Something that I started practicing is less talking and more doing. Don’t watch the mouth, watch the hands. 

MH: When did the idea of becoming an actor come to mind?

X: It was always there when I was a kid; I did a play and one of the teachers came up to me and said, “you’re really good, when you grow up you should pursue this.” I just brushed it off. I thought, “There’s no market for this in this country (Paraguay).” In my fourth year of university, shout out Braedon Grover Sunnes, he pushed me to consider the play New Generations. I was cast as Anthony, a character with a lot of emotion. He was a manipulative guy that wanted a girl to like him. It was fun, but it was hard because it was a heavy role to play. I had to scream; I don’t really like screaming. During rehearsals I had to scream louder, and louder. I was like, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t know if I could do that.” I liked the whole process, and thought, “I want to do this.” 

MH: So, acting to you is a way of self-discovery?

X: Yeah, it’s a form of self-discovery by being able to heal, being able to understand myself a lot more, and what characters I can provide. 

MH: How does your cultural background play a role in your work?

X: I had a lot of self-rejection towards my cultural background growing up. I never wanted to be Paraguayan. I always wanted to be Korean because my friends were Korean. I grew up with Korean culture, Korean music, and a lot of anime. I got into cartoons and animation because of anime– it’s one of my biggest inspirations. I rejected a lot of who I was to fit in, but then in 2020 to 2022 I hung out with a lot more Paraguayans which felt different; I realized they accept me for who I am.

MH: You seem to admire a lot of musicians. What is your song for this season?

X: I think the biggest one that has been consistent in my life, having to tell myself that everything will be alright, is “Alright” by Kendrick Lamar. 

MH: What does sonder mean to you?

X: Jumping back to the quote “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” it used to be a very depressing quote for me because there’s so many people out there with so many gifts. How am I special in all of this? I had to discover myself. I know what I want to get to– that matters way more than thinking about how many people are in this world. It’s just being able to think there are a lot of fish in the sea, but I must focus on my swimming and how I can grow. 

MH: Thank you for being honest about your journey, and for sharing how you’ve had to grow to become confident over time, art giving you the agency to claim that. The encouragement from people acts as a reminder of who you are; hold on to that. 

X: I will. Thank you so much for the interview.